U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
