Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
handjob tips. give me some.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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