I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
