where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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