Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize