Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
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