Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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