I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
