And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
