Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(217): View more from Illinois

My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.

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(248): View more from Michigan

I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy

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(609): View more from New Jersey

Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?

(201): View more from New Jersey

obviously you're part succubus.

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(917): View more from New York City

im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out

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(541): View more from Oregon

I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.

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(701): View more from North Dakota

Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?

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(770): View more from Georgia

How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!

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(858): View more from California

I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life

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