been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
