Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Randomize