Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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