So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Randomize
