Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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