sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
