he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
