She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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