i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
