Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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