Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
