thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
