I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
