You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
