hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I am in a vortex of obligation.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
