Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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