Whod you bang
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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