Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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