I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
