Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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