Fine. I'll sleep in my office
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Randomize
