im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
