Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
