if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
