either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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