I CAN MOONWALK!
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
