it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
