am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
