why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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