cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
