ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
