The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Pants are for mortals
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
