I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
