my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
