i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
