Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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