I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
