I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
