Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
