while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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