Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
