Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
