mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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