I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
