Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
