so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I have already put on my inside pants.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
