there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
