dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
So squirting runs in the family.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
