her vagine was all disorganized.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
