Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
