just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
