I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
