I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
