dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
