When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
