When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Shitshow foam night was such a success
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
