I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
that may or may not have been my penis.
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